


Dream of Time Eternal

by snowynight



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Dream Sex, Dreamsharing, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 08:50:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11574624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowynight/pseuds/snowynight
Summary: Jim's surreal dream reveals his love of Spock to him. However Spock doesn't seem to feel the same, so Jim is resigned until his near death confession changes everything. (Rated mature for implied sex)





	Dream of Time Eternal

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta and cheerleader Piscaria!

Amid the gunshots and explosions, Jim ran after Spock through the open field to charge into the Klingons, the only way to get out alive from the ambush. Sweat clouded his eyes and his throat hurt, but he kept opening fire to disrupt the enemy and arrived at a safe place to regroup.

 _Starfleet command must be informed of the Klingons’ presence_ , Jim thought, _but we must get out of here alive first._

“Captain, this way!” Spock said in his usual steady voice, leading Jim under enemy fire to a nearby forest, where dense vegetation would prove a good cover.

When Jim was about to enter the forest, a lucky shot hit his arm. Pain seared his nerves.

Jim bit his lips hard enough to felt the iron flavour to suppress his painful groan, his body tensed up to ward off trembling as he couldn’t afford to distract Spock with his injury. The burn worsened, but Jim kept his injured arm to his side and kept running.

The forest was well shaded with the tall tree canopy. As the undergrowth was sparse, it was easy to tread on the paths, but Jim’s legs weakened with every step he took. The burn spread through his arm and warm liquid stained his sleeve. His vision swirled. It got harder and harder for him to follow, but he must go on.

Then his vision darkened.

 

> * * *

>  Golden flame. Thunderstorm. Anticipation. The ground Jim stood on crumbled and a torrent of water flooded over him, dragging him to the dark abyss underneath, but Jim was calm and carefree about his fate. Another wave of lightning and thunder broke the earth. _Please don't -_

Jim woke up freezing and his arm still hurt like hell. He stretched open his heavy eyelids and saw a pale and grey crystalline cave roof reflecting dim sunlight from outside. He was lying on a blanket, and a firm hand was on his face. A wave of warmth and comfort enveloped him.

“Status, Spock?” He creaked out the words with a painful throat. Not far away Jim heard sounds of moving water, forcing him to realize that his mouth was as dry as sandpaper.

Spock withdrew his hand. Jim’s face tingled after losing the touch, and he shivered without the warmth.

Spock nudged the blanket covering him tighter and said, “The Klingons has paused in their pursuit, and I was trying to establish communication with the ship while you were unconscious from your injury and fever. Mr. Scott has estimated that he could arrange the beam up in thirty minutes.”

“Good,” Jim said, trying to sit up but pushed back by Spock, who put a cup of water to his lips. He must have read Jim’s thirst, or he was just too good reading Jim.

“You should rest as your injury and fever have drained your energy.”

Jim could hear the light recrimination in Spock’s voice and sighed. Spock must have worried about him as he was always overprotective of him. He drunk from the cup slowly until he had enough. “Bones will fix me up.”

Spock took the cup from Jim and said, “You should have informed me.” Spock’s face was as impassive as usual, but Jim saw his slight frown.

“I didn’t have time. The Klingons were after us.”

“You have been unconscious throughout the night,” Spock said while he poured water from a bottle to wash off Jim’s wound and bandaged it. Despite his gentleness, Jim still bit back a hiss.

Spock paused, so Jim put on his best smile. “Thank you, Spock. Don’t worry. We’ll be back to the ship soon and as I have said, Bones‘ll have me fixed in no time.”

“Vulcans don’t worry,” Spock said, finishing his replacement of the makeshift bandage. “I only concern about my commanding officer’s health and fitness.”

 _Must have fooled me_ , Jim thought, yet understanding Spock’s reticence with anything emotional and warmed by Spock’s unspoken care. “I stand corrected, Mr. Spock.”

Within thirty minutes, they returned to the ship. Jim sighed in relief. Everything was normal now.

* * *

 

 

> “Why do you do that with him?” A greyish-brown haired woman stared at Jim, her blue eyes full of sorrow. “I have always hoped for him to return home.” She pulled her robe closer as if bracing herself against coldness.
> 
> Jim’s guilt choked him while he replied, “I know.”
> 
> “You have called him away to the sea. He will always feel stranded on land. Will you at least take good care of him?”
> 
> “I will.”
> 
> “We can only hope, can’t we?” she asked, fading from Jim’s view.
> 
> Jim was walking with a young Vulcan woman who said, “Logic doesn’t dictate your decisions as it should. I have much reservation about your motive.”
> 
> Jim had never met her in real life, but in the dream he knew her. His dream self smiled and said, “You’re welcome to judge for yourself.”

_Weird dream_ , Jim thought as his alarm woke him out of sleep. _Spock must have rubbed his logic off me._

The human woman looked familiar to him, though he couldn’t figure out why.

* * *

 

”Checkmate,” Spock said.

Seeing no way out, Jim tipped over his king. “You're practising, aren't you?” he asked with a smile.

They had their regular game in Spock’s quarters this time to avoid interruption that plagued a captain’s life. Jim was sweating under the warm room temperature, and the red decor didn’t help. However, it was important for Spock to finally be able to relax in his own quarters, so Jim shrugged off his temporarily discomfort. Besides, he could always cool down in his own quarters afterward.

“Chess is a logical game, so it is expected for logic to prevail,” Spock replied with smugness in his voice, tidying up the chessboard.

Reflecting on his previous dream, Jim said, “I don’t think you can find much logic in my decision, but you're welcome to try.”

Something like doubt flashed in Spock's eyes, but it faded as soon as Jim started to wonder about it. “You have, as the humans said, sold yourself short.”

Jim’s cheeks warmed up. “Why, you said the nicest thing.”

Changing the topic, he asked, “The usual?”

At Spock's nod, Jim walked towards the synthesizer to order their dinner - at this point they were both given a free rein in the other’s quarter, a testimony to their friendship. They spent their meal in comfortable silence.

* * *

 

 

> Spock was holding Jim in his heart, singing something soothing Jim had never heard of. Jim felt so warm, so safe, and so relaxed that he slept.
> 
> The sound of a spaceship woke him from his sleep. Spock was taking him to Vulcan to save him, but the Federation’s war with Romulus forced them to take a dangerous shortcut.
> 
> The spaceship shook, and the sensor detected enemy attack. Spock embraced him tighter in his mind, pushing him into sleep again.
> 
> Jim woke up suddenly. Through Spock’s eyes he saw that several Romulan soldiers were tightening up the knots that tied Spock to a pole and were hitting him. He could also feel Spock, hurt and tired. They must have captured Spock from the ship, and only Spock’s weakened mental state allowed Jim to be waken up from the sleep Spock induced.
> 
> He must save Spock, but how as he was now only a ghost?
> 
> Experimentally he tapped into Spock’s brain and rode his nervous pathway. Being somehow a part of Spock’s subconscious mind, he gained control of Spock’s body and fought back.
> 
> The Romulans fell to the surprise attack, so he stole their ship and directed it to Vulcan.
> 
> Spock’s anxiety rained over him, but he only smiled back. As long as they were together, they would prevail.

Jim woke up and found that at night he had pulled a blanket over his face. His face heated up as he recalled the initial warmth and calm in his dream. _I’m lucky that Spock won't read my thought without a cause._

This dream surely felt like the plot of an adventure novel, Jim thought while grimacing, recalling some of the sentiment he felt towards Spock during the dream. He wondered what would have happened if the dream had continued.

* * *

 

While Jim was quietly relieved of the downtime the Enterprise currently enjoyed, he was about to climb the walls with excess energy nowhere to spend, so he invited Spock for a wrestling session. Changed into his wrestling clothes, he walked with Spock into a small private gym that they often used.

“Best two out of three, and let the best guy win,” Jim said as they both settled into a wrestling stance.

He shot into Spock with a drop-step, grasped onto the back of Spock’s thighs to dig his head into Spock’s hip. Spock shot his legs backward, placed his hands on the mat, sprawled to land on his hip and used his body weight to crush Jim to the ground. Jim attempted a choking hold to free himself, but Spock caught his arms and pinned him completely to the ground, saying that, “It’s logical for you to yield.”

“Never!” Jim said while laughing, arching up to get his hands between their chests.

Spock looked as composed as usual, his shirt stainless except for where Jim’s sweat dampened it. He raised an eyebrow and Jim swore that Spock’s eyes were full of amusement. “I never understand human capacity for denial of reality.”

“We get to the stars by laughing in the face of impossibility.”

“It is a peculiar interpretation of actual events,” Spock said, pressing against Jim’s arms. “Yield.”

Jim scissored his legs to push himself on his stomach, wriggling to get himself free, but Spock locked his head and knees, repeating in a sterner voice. “Yield.”

Rendering immobile, Jim sighed. “All right, but remember: it’s two best out of three.”

“I have duty to tend to in a lab,” Spock said, releasing Jim from his grip.

“You’ve worked too hard. You deserve a break.” Jim frowned, letting Spock help pulling him up. “See you later tonight?”

“I am afraid not. What about tomorrow?”

“Fine. See you tomorrow.”

* * *

 

 

> Panting. Burning. Handful of smooth skin. Grabbing, bruising. Biting, claiming. The scent of cinnamon and sunlight. The warm spring that quenched his thirst. _More, more..._
> 
> The wide expanse of skin expanded into a shining golden desert. A young boy travelled with only a staff in his hands, looking up at the sky for navigation. The brightest star would guide his journey to his destination.
> 
> An open smile which promised danger and pleasure. The ship caught on a spider web, sinking further in its struggle.
> 
> Pinned to the ground, with the winner’s hand around the loser’s neck. The skin underneath his hand was so delicate that the flowing blood underneath sounded as clear as a shout.
> 
> An orange bird with a tail like burning flame danced around his potential mate, spreading its wings so far that it looked like a fireball, singing a song with a high-pitch voice, trying to win his mate’s heart.

Jim woke up with a warm face, his pulse racing as if he had finished a marathon, but had no idea why the dream was so arousing. Compared to his youthful dream, everything was so subtle that he doesn’t even see who his dream lover was .

 _Perhaps it’s the subtle that gets to me now_ , Jim thought with a mental shrug. _It’s not like dream follows real life logic._

When he recalled the burning and yearning in his dream, a sudden attack of loneliness nearly overwhelmed him. He missed skin-to-skin connection and a partner who stayed the night, both in short supply as long as he was the captain.

Jim pushed the dream aside when he went to the bridge. However, when he watched Spock on the science station, the hands in his dream looked somewhat familiar.

* * *

 

“How many times have we been locked up in a cell?” Jim asked, waving Spock to sit with him on the pile of hay, the only alternative to the hard, dirty wooden floor in their cell. If they had to stay throughout the night, they might as well make themselves comfortable.

“Fifty six,” came Spock’s immediate answer. He stared at the hay pile as if it would bite, but joined Jim afterward, so he must have made the same logical conclusion.

Jim smiled. “Do you keep a tally?”

“Vulcans have total recall of their past.”

“Must be handy,” Jim said. “I wish I could have it.”

“Not necessarily. Human memory fades with time, but Vulcans do not have this advantage. Historically, several clans fought to their death because their feud remained fresh throughout the ages.”

Jim turned somber at his words. “Sorry, I haven’t thought of what a burden it must be to remember everything, even the bad.”

“It is simply a part of our nature, one reason we practise mental discipline to control our mind and walk a path of logic.”

Jim looked at the small window of the cell. “Do you think the crew can get us out tomorrow?”

“Barring no unforeseeable factors, we will be released with a 97.5% of chance.”

“Good,” Jim said. Spock’s words calmed him, so he said with a smile, “Why don’t we play a game to pass the time? I’m too wound up to sleep now.”

Spock not quite sighed. “What’s your suggestion?”

“Let’s play ‘would you rather’. Each of us think of two different scenarios for the other to choose, and the other must reply which one he prefer.”

“Is there a restriction in the scenarios?”

“No. Let me give you an example. Would you rather sing everything you say or dance all your movements?”

“Both will be highly illogical and unprofessional for a Starfleet officer.”

“But you have to choose one. It’s the rule of the game.”

“I’m not aware I have agreed to it.”

Jim tried his best puppy eyes at Spock, and hid his smile when Spock’s eyes softened and replied, “If you must insist on this ridiculousness, I choose to dance all my moments.”

“I would like to see that,” Jim said.

Spock ignored him. “My turn. Would you rather spend your whole day in the sickbay, or would you assist with Scotty in ship repair and maintenance for the same duration?”

“You’re a quick learner, Mr. Spock.” Jim laughed. “It’ll be a hard decision as Scotty can be a hard taskmaster. I choose Scotty because a captain must know his ship inside out. Now it’s my turn.”

Jim looked around the cell for inspiration, but only saw the surrounding dirty stone walls. “Would you rather know everything about your friends or be loved by them?”

 _What’s he thinking_? Jim wanted to bite his tongue when Spock stared at him. “I’m sorry if it gets too personal. You can decide not to answer it.”

Spock's shoulders tensed. “It is time for rest. I will stay watch for the first turn.”

“Wake me up when my turn comes,” Jim said, following Spock’s lead to pretend that he hadn’t say the words to make everything awkward for them.

Before sleeping, Jim wondered what Spock’s answer would be. _I actually forgot my last night's dream. I must be too tired,_ Jim thought when they were released the next morning, quickly dismissing the thought as inconsequential.

However, in the night back on his ship, Jim dreamed.

* * *

 

 

> Surrounded by a warm embrace, Jim drowned in the heat and the smell of pine, his hands caught and caressed by the other. Jim sighed and moaned when his dream lover massaged the centre of his palms, drawing circles and kneading on them.
> 
> His dream lover disappeared, and now Jim faced a furry beast with six inch fangs with only an old wooden bow and his last arrow.
> 
> Jim pointed his arrow at the beast, but at the last moment dropped his bow, rushing to pick it up. _I should have known_ , he thought, his tears dropping on the beast.
> 
> The beast moaned pitifully, its skin burnt away by Jim’s tears, revealing something crystalline and glowing.
> 
> The scene abruptly changed after Jim embraced the beast. Both Spock and he were surrounded by an unseen enemy, outgunned and outmaneuvered. It would be their last fight, but Jim was content as long as Spock was by his side.
> 
> After his last phaser shot, Jim turned to Spock, ready to say his farewell.
> 
> … Only to fall into Spock's arms with their lips pressed together. They devoured each other with lips and hands until they got through the skin, the flesh and the bones.

Jim woke up the next morning with clear signs of his previous wet dream. He grunted and changed the bed sheets.

He arousal returned when the dream image of Spock possessing him assailed him in the bathroom. Jim could still see Spock’s intense dark eyes, his confident hands marking Jim all over.

 _Enough_ , Jim thought and took a freezing shower.

At the bridge his face heat up when Spock greeted him as he recalled his dream. _Spock’ll be horrified if he knows that I have a sex dream about him_ , Jim thought.

Jim was into both guys and women, but while it was one thing admitting the attractiveness of your best friend, it was totally different to fantasize about said best friend inappropriately.

 _I guess Spock and Bones are right for once. I need shore leave_ , Jim thought.

* * *

 

Maribor III was a friendly and lovely planet, so when Jim arranged for a shore leave during their stopover, the crew’s eyes sparkled. They moved with added lightness and busily discussed their plans on the planet.

Spock declined his invitation to join him as usual but this time, Jim let it go, thinking that some distance would work to put his dream aside. Jim spent a pleasant night at a club with Bones and Scotty and he found plenty of interesting place to visit, but when the shore leave ended, he looked for Spock.

“Anything unusual?” Jim asked at the beginning of the debriefing and listened to Spock’s report. Spock was among the few he could trust with the ship, and the conversation helped to ground him to the ship’s rhythm.

“Did you enjoy your shore leave?” Spock asked.

“It is fine. I hope you will join me another time though. You need rest more than everyone on the ship.”

“The usual activities you indulge in shore leave are too physical strenuous to be considered rest.”

“I’ll let you know, despite the rumours Bones spread, I can appreciate museum visits, music concerts, sunbathing and camping as well as everyone. I’m not ‘a maniac who is going to break my neck climbing every high peak’.”

“What about your night life? I am unwilling to force you to deviate from your usual pattern to accommodate me.”

Jim laughed. “My friend, my night life is so mellow that I must be the most boring person on this ship. Booze and sex are overrated anyway. Come with me next time. I’m sure we can reach a happy compromise.”

“I will consider it.”

Jim knew better to push, but his mood lightened up at Spock’s words. He didn’t have any sex dream with Spock on his shore leave, so the shore leave must have done the trick for him.

* * *

 

 

> Drumbeat. Incense which smelt of cinnamon and spicy spices. Glowing eyes in darkness.
> 
> As a mermaid, Jim dived further into the pond, swaying his tail. The warm water current caressed him, whispering ancient secrets.
> 
> A pair of strong arms caught him from behind. Jim laughed. _Catch me if you can_ , he thought while trying to swim away, but the grip was steady and unyielding, so he leaned into the arms.
> 
> Sitting at the centre of a ring of fire. Jim was surrounded by a group of dancers , their movements fluid and graceful, but Jim was waiting for only one person.
> 
> A wave of anticipation and eagerness washed by him before his warrior joined him with flame in his eyes.
> 
> They wrestled on the ground. Jim’s body was dripping with oil and honey, slippery enough to pose a challenge to anyone who wanted to catch him.
> 
> But his warrior proved to have great skill, strength and determination enough to secure his hold and pin him to the ground.
> 
> Jim raised his head to meet the kiss in the middle.

The alarm woke Jim from the dream. _Another sex dream with Spock_ , Jim thought, _with a plot lifted from a bodice ripper. If you must fantasize about Spock, can't you at least be imaginative?_

The dream caused Jim to feel awkward around Spock. He felt like being back in high school again, waking up horrified with a hard on from a sexual dream with his old principal, but it was not Spock's fault Jim’s brain decided to go sex crazy on him, so he treated Spock as usual and pretended everything was normal.

Spock was busy this week, declining his invitation to dinner and chess. Jim suspected that he was putting some extra distance between them, but it must be his guilty imagination at work.

* * *

 

The local dining room glittered with gold and silver, decorated with an abstract geometric pattern that dazzled Jim the longer he looked. Not that he had much time to do that. This was another diplomatic function where Jim had to make nice with local officials. After making small talk with numerous of them, Jim felt that his face hurt from all the smiling.

Spock was talking to a local scientist as was his custom during such events. Despite his training in diplomacy, Spock preferred insightful exchanges of ideas to social niceties, so Jim gave him free reign and drew the others’ attention from him whenever he could. It was enough for him to fulfill the obligation.

He drank from his cup of sweet pink fruit juice and watched Spock, who cut an impressive figure in his dress uniform. His eyes lit up during the conversation, and his gesture was more expressive. Without thinking, Jim walked towards him to try to find out what topic was fascinating Spock before he was stopped by another guest.

Back on the ship Jim read Spock’s scientific reports with additional diligence and asked further about his research than usual. Spock looked surprised, but was willing to share and answer Jim’s questions.

At the end Jim learned about the basics of Spock’s latest theory, while drawn to the spark in Spock’s eyes. He planned to refresh his science knowledge for future conversation, but unwilling to think why it became so important.Jim loved celebrating. There were so many loss and failure that anything that allowed people to bond and laugh was good in his book. Birthday, festivals, celebrations…. The more crowded the Enterprise’s event calendar, the merrier.

However, as the captain, he must keep his distance from them all. He accepted it as the due of a captain, spent enough time to show his support but left early enough so that his crew could enjoy themselves fully.

When he left the party early, as usual, he looked for the same welcomed company who volunteered himself for the shift.

“Anything interesting?” Jim asked, standing behind Spock and peeking at the science station over his shoulders.

“Status normal,” Spock said. “I understand that the party is still ongoing.”

“I can't stay long anyway,” Jim answered the unasked question. “So I may as well take over the shift for someone who would enjoy it ”

“It is admirable of you to put your crew above yourself,” Spock said.

Jim felt taller and stronger, knowing the weight of Spock’s word as Spock was a man of integrity and honesty.

He spent the shift with Spock together, talking about the ship, Spock's project and their past before the Enterprise, and enjoyed every moment. He figured that a celebration only counted when one shared it with a close one.

* * *

 

 

> He lied by the river, feeling relaxed and safe. The wind was soft, and the sun smiled on him. The smell of grass and soil was refreshing.
> 
> Someone had come. Without turning to the newcomer, Jim spoke up with a sense of warmth and serenity washing over him. “I have waited for you.”
> 
> “I will always come to you,” the other person said.
> 
> He smiled and embraced him.
> 
> They were thrown into a furnace for unknown crime. He was burning, but he had no fear as his companion held his hand. With a calm he had never felt before, he sang a song that he had learnt from his mother’s lap. The song carried them out of the fire. With newly grown wings, they roamed the sky.

The dream was getting dangerous, Jim thought, assailed by loneliness when he woke. It was bad when he dreamed about having sex with Spock. It was even worse when this dream set him off longing for things that might ruin his best friendship.

The dreams refused to let him go.

Jim had always known how important Spock was to him. They were the best command team, having faced down and defeated threats to billions of people, and Spock was one among the very few Jim was willing to concede command to. Spock had been a constant in his universe since they first met, and whenever Jim envisioned his future, he envisioned continuing the adventure in space with Spock always by his side. But before the dreams, he could chalk this up to friendship and brotherhood

After the dreams, he could no longer blind his eyes to the fact that he was greedy for more.

He still had excellent rapport with Spock on the bridge, but his eyes now lingered on how Spock cut a sharp figure in his impeccable science uniform. His ears were now attuned to Spock’s baritone voice, even when Spock was talking to others. He was tempted to go to Spock to see what fascinated him so far numerous times and must clamped his impulse hard so that he wouldn’t lurk behind Spock all the time.

* * *

 

It was another ordinary survey mission on a planet surface. Jim beamed down with the team to stretch his legs instead of any strategic need. He expected some argument, but Spock accepted it so easily that Jim suspected Spock noticed his cabin fever.

He stayed by Spock’s side, watching Spock observing and collecting data of the local flora and fauna. Few people could have detected Spock’s quiet excitement, but he could read it clearly in Spock’s animated eyes and fluid movement. _No one loves knowledge more than Spock_ , Jim thought. _As long as I live, I will see to it that he is free in his pursuit, because I want him to always be content._

At this moment he realized the significance of his words and panicked.

It should be earth shattering to realize that but Jim’s command training allowed him to pull it through until he was safe in his quarter. It was time to face the issue as logical as he could.

 _Spock has rubbed off too much on me,_ he thought fondly.

_Observation: I admire and respect Spock, treasuring our friendship as one of the most important relationships in my life and I know it’s mutual for Spock, though he won’t speak it out in this way. I’ll do nothing to ruin it._

_Observation: I can’t envision a future without him by my side._

_Observation: I can’t keep my eyes off Spock and find him highly attractive._

_Tentative Hypothesis: I’m in love with my very male Vulcan best friend and first officer._

_“I’m in love with Spock_ ,” he said quietly to the walls.

The universe didn't end, and the Enterprise continued her sail.

_What should I do?_

As a strategist, Jim started to formulate strategy and tactics to solve the problem.

_Situation: I’m in love with Spock, who once in tears told me that he felt ashamed about our friendship._

_Strategy: I’ll go slow and gentle. If Spock feels anything for me at all, I'll know it. If he doesn’t… I’ll hang on tight and survive. Everybody does._

* * *

 

On the next shift when Jim walked to Spock’s station, he let his fingers touch Spock’s during their conversation. A spark ignited in Jim at this innocent touch.

Spock didn’t react to his touch, but at least he didn’t move his hand away, so Jim’s hand lingered, stealing the moments of warmth.

Playing chess with Spock became a torment and temptation when he watched how Spock moved his pieces with nimble fingers. He made sure their hands brushed as they moved their pieces, feeling as if he had become a green awkward Academy cadet again.

He patted Spock's shoulders to get his notice, held his arms to provide support, walked close enough that their bodies touched. As Spock didn't move away from him, he continued to test the water while enjoying every little moment.

It was time for Jim’s scheduled sparring session with Spock, something which Jim both looked forward to and dreaded as he worried that his body would betray him.

Spock used his advantage of his height to throw punches at range, keeping Jim from closing the gap between them. Jim dodged the punches and finally got closer to attack from Spock’s weaker side, hoping to force him to shift to his lead leg. The ploy backfire as he ended up pressed to the ground pinned by Spock’s weight.

It had happened numerous time before, but looking into Spock’s dark eyes, Jim’s face heated up as their sweaty bodies pressed together. He could sense the standard shampoo and a hint of cinnamon from Spock, the stretching and flexing of his deceptively lean but strong muscle, and the body heat through their clothes.

For a moment Spock’s eyes seemed to darken. Jim’s heartbeat raced in anticipation, but Spock only asked him to yield and behaved as normal, so Jim must be reading too much of his fantasy into Spock.

* * *

 

“Lovely, isn’t it?” Jim said looking at the stars in the observatory deck, his attention on Spock beside him. “Every time I looked at the stars I’m marvelled by how big the universe is and how much is left unexplored. Space, the final frontier”

“There is so much uncharted space that I estimate a 0.0000000009% chance of us reaching the end of uncharted space in our lifetime.”

“I’ll take your words on that, but wherever I go, I hope that you’ll always be by my side.”

 _So subtle_ , Jim laughed at himself inside while holding his heart in his throat waiting for the answer.

“I have no desire for command. Serving on the Enterprise under your leadership fulfills most my potential.”

“Several ship are about to need a new captain. Will you...” Jim was glad to hear that, but he was concerned for Spock’s career.

Spock interrupted, “I’m satisfied with my current post.”

Jim was warmed by Spock’s readiness to continue to serve with him, but he also noticed that Spock framed the answer in work reasons.

He looked into the stars and said, “It’s amazing how huge the universe is and how insignificant we are. I’m glad that the stars brought us together on the same ship."

"You are an excellent captain. I am honoured to serve with you,” Spock said.

Jim gave up the line of pursuit lest Spock feel pressured, but he decided to try again later.

* * *

 

“Bones complained that we were practically an old couple,” Jim said over the chessboard.

“It is illogical of the doctor to say so as we are neither old nor a couple.”

Jim’s mood deflated a little but he persisted. “He said that we were practically attached at the hip and understood each other without talking.”

“Does it worry you?”

“No, of course. You’re my best friend and first officer. Why shouldn’t we be close together?"

”Then the best solution is to ignore him. Checkmate.”

Jim looked for a way out for his blocked king from Spock’s queen and rook, but was forced to give up at last, while feeling the same dread about any possibility between Spock and himself.

* * *

 

 

> He was walking in a desert to the legendary oasis city to fulfill a promise. Even though the hot and dry wind threatened to abort his goal and the sun spread its arms to drive him out of his way, with wild beasts growling and howling to intimate him, he would continue his journey until he arrived at his destination or died in his attempt.
> 
> His heart sank when he arrived at his destination. The oasis was no more. Only a sand crater was left, which would soon leave no traces behind, but the one he looked for had not come.
> 
> Feeling an eerie sense of calm, he jumped into the remain of the dried-up oasis. His flesh and blood transformed into the water, His hair stretched into green branches and leaves; his bones broke and formed amphipods and fish.
> 
> _Come, come_ , he thought, sending his pleas to the wind.
> 
> The one whom he waited for had finally arrived, weary and covered with sand. He squatted to filled a bottle with water.
> 
> _I am here_ , he thought. With no mouth to speak, he stretched out his watery fingers trying to touch his friend, only for him to shy away.
> 
> The wind whispered to him, “Your friend will stay forever as a tree. You will nourish him so he will always stand, but you can never touch him until his barks break and bleed into you.”
> 
> “Can’t my friend be spared from this fate?” he asked. “He belongs to the stars.“
> 
> His friend stood as a statue, the rim of his robe spreading to cover the oasis, the desert, the land and everything that it contained, digging through the soil to root himself on it, and Jim wept.
> 
> Jim now stood with his companion on a wasteland. They were the last two survivors.
> 
> “The sun is dying,” Jim said. “Shall we dance?”
> 
> “We still cannot find our Eden.”
> 
> “We’re not born for one, or at least I am not,” Jim replied. Sensing his companion’s pain, he continued. “I wish I could build you one.”
> 
> “You are enough,” his companion answered, but the tension in his shoulders belied his words.
> 
> “Let’s dance,” Jim said, stretching his arm out in invitation, trying to distract them both.
> 
> They danced until they were frozen in a forever embrace.

Jim woke up realizing why he was frozen in his dream: he had forgotten to reset the temperature control and forgone his blanket during his sleep. “Computer, up five degree Celsius,” he said and felt warmer.

When he recalled his dream _,_ Jim sighed. _I can’t even have a happy dream with Spock_.

* * *

 

Just as Jim was ready to resigned to Spock’s friendship, the universe played a mean joke on them by throwing them together into a cell again.

This time the Enterprise was blocked off from them due to a quantum storm. The cell was invulnerable and their captors demanded blood and sacrifice. Things were getting worse as the captors’ debate on how to kill them grew louder.

Jim didn't believe in no-win scenarios, but even he acknowledged that the odds was vastly against them.

So it would be his end. Jim laughed inside as this out of all places would be his grave. They didn't even have a designated name for this planet as it was supposed to be a routine survey mission.

Spock was pulling at the bars to no effect again. He had to be agonized enough to continue this useless effort just to do something.

“Spock, listen to me,” Jim said, patting his shoulder. If he had to go like this, Spock deserved a proper farewell and honesty from his friend.

Spock turned to him and said, “We should concentrate on the escape attempt.”

“We have tried this for more than an hour, and you know better than me the odds for us to return alive.”

Spock didn't refute him, so Jim knew that Spock realized the same. He breathed deeply, straightening his posture and put on his best smile. “When they take me, use every chance to escape. The Enterprise needs you, and I trust you to take good care of it.”

“I will go with them. The Enterprise needs its captain.”

Jim was warmed by the sentiment behind Spock's offer, but he couldn't accept it. As the captain, his prerogative was to look out for his ship and crew rather than preserving his own skin, not to mention that this was Spock, whom he threw his career in a bin to save long before any romantic feeling on his side.

“No offense, but they seem fixated to kill off me, the yellow-haired monster. It's better for at least one of us to survive.”

He interrupted Spock before Spock could argue against him. Time was running out for them. “I am honoured to know you as my friend and brother. You are the best that two worlds can offer, and the rock in my life. I wish we could share our lives together beyond our service, but as fate had decided otherwise for us, I would like to tell you that ..."

The captors were coming, so Jim had no more time to stall.

He took another breath. “I cherish you and I wish to live with you and love you as always. I don’t say it to pressure your or make you feel guilty for not feeling the same, but I think you deserve to know that you’re worthy of every love the universe can offer, and I hope you can find someone to create and share a paradise forever.”

 _Even if it won’t be me_ , he thought, wishing that he could be more eloquent with his words, but accepted that words were never enough.

Spock looked stunned, so Jim took advantage of his distraction to leave with their captors to his death.

Except that he didn’t die.

* * *

 

Everything hurt when Jim opened his eyes again. The ship hummed after him, and the familiar smell of the sickbay told him that he was still alive, probably thanks to whatever miracles Spock pulled.

Then what he said to Spock sunk in. Jim would have covered his face if his arms had not been immobilized by his side. What was he thinking with his near death confession?

For a moment he wished he could be dead so that he could avoid the fallout. Unfortunately as the captain, he had no right to shrink from his responsibility and the consequence of his words and action.

Spock had stayed away from the sickbay as long as Jim was awake. Even Bones commented on that. JIm’s stomach was loaded with lead at Spock’s possible response. ( _Not a transfer_ , he prayed. _Not a transfer!_ )

Despite his dread of the confrontation, he knocked on Spock’s door with a battle plan, which began with a heartfelt apology and finished with sincere promise to not bother Spock with any inappropriate feeling like that again. He meant his every word, and hoped Spock would believe him.

Turn out he didn’t have much chance to talk.

“May I interpret your parting words to mean that you had romantic feeling for me?” Spock asked.

Jim forced himself to look straight at Spock. “Yes, but don’t worry, Spock. I won’t let any personal feeling to interfere with our working relationship. Please trust that I won’t bother you like this again. I’m sorry and I have no excuse for my conduct.”

“You love me.” Spock’s voice was as impassive as ever.

Jim’s throat constricted as he waited for his sentence. “Yes.”

“Captain, you have operated under a faulty presumption, and I apologize for my role in your undue dismay.”

“What faulty presumption?” Jim parroted Spock’s words in shock.

“You presume that your feeling is unwelcome and one sided. However, it is not true.”

“Do you mean…” Jim asked, not wanting to give in to false hope.

“Please be reassured that your feelings are not only welcome but also reciprocated.”

Jim gasped. Among whatever outcome he assumed, Spock’s assertion was beyond his imagination. “But you never say or show anything.”

“And you did?” Spock asked dryly.

Jim looked away from Spock. “I hinted… and hoped, but you behaved as usual, so I thought you were uninterested.”

“I have been in love with you for four years, one month, five days, thirteen hours, forty-seven minutes and thirty seconds. It is impossible for me to demonstrate more affection than I already did.”

“So you love me,” Jim said, a grin threatened to take over his face. “What have I done then to earn your love?”

“It was only an ordinary day. Nothing special happened.”

Jim broke out a laughter. “So you have just decided to fall in love with me for no logical reasons.”

“Correct.”

Spock’s admission stole Jim’s breath. “Thank you for your trust and love. I’m unsure what I did to deserve you, but I’ll cherish you as always.”

“You invite love for being yourself,” Spock said.

The intensity in the room was thick enough for a knife to cut it through, so Jim looked from beneath his eyelashes and said. “What about making up for the lost time together?”

“I may have some suggestions to offer,” Spock said with amusement.

“Let’s discuss the matter, Mr. Spock,” Jim said and held Spock in his arms, whispering some of his ideas and satisfied to see the green tint on Spock’s ears. Everything felt lighter and brighter as they pressed their lips together.

* * *

 

 

> On a land of silver sand and red river, crystalline structures arranged in a regular pattern towered over the land.
> 
> Thunderstorm hit and blazed the land, igniting everything in its way in fire, energizing them to dance.
> 
> “Is it the end?” Jim asked.
> 
> “No, it is only the beginning,” Spock replied, holding him in his arms.
> 
> The abyss the lightning stuck open was filled with water. Soon it would become another oasis.
> 
> “Let’s fly,” Jim said.
> 
> They flew towards the largest star in the sky. Jim knew that he found his paradise.

”I had a weird dream last night, ” Jim said to Spock over their dinner and described it to him.

“Interesting, as I had the same dream last night.”

“Did we somehow share our dream ?”

“Possibly. With our frequent mind meld and compatibility of minds,” Spock said with a frown, “an inadvertent bond may form between us.”

“Like the one between you and T'Pring?”

“The bond between us is still new. If you worry about it, I can consult a healer about its removal.”

“No, it's fine to me, but this has much potential. Have you ever heard about lucid dreaming?”

“Really, Captain?” Spock said with amusement in his voice. “Vulcans have excellent control over their mind, conscious or not.”

“Let's experiment with it tonight?”

Spock not quite sighed. “Very well, Captain.”

Jim beamed, thinking and thanking everything that brought them together.


End file.
